Why You’re Afraid of Public Speaking (and How to Get Over It)

The idea that the fear of public speaking is a phobia that requires medical treatment, therapy, hypnosis or prescription pills is simply nonsense. People speak every day! We were born to do it, and have been doing it unabated for millennia. Why have we decided that speaking in public is suddenly so frightening?

That fear comes purely and simply because we have been taught to believe that PUBLIC speaking is somehow different than regular speaking. It isn’t. To prove it, ask yourself, "What’s the magic number?" How many people does it take to go from talking to a few friends or co-workers until it suddenly becomes PUBLIC speaking? Five? Ten? A hundred? What about that one-on-one job interview, that high profile sales meeting, or that marriage proposal you’re planning? Don’t they give you the same fears and worries as PUBLIC speaking? In fact, it isn’t really the number of people you’re talking to that’s so frightening, it’s the fact that the presentation has a potentially critical outcome. In other words, it’s a presentation with purpose.

Most of the time when we speak, we don’t worry much about the consequences, because it has little or no impact on our lives other than to pass the time of day. When a presentation has a definitive impact on our future, however, that concept changes. Suddenly we realize that everything we do and say will have an effect on that listener, the one who controls our future.

Frankly, we’re not used to being that aware of ourselves and the way we communicate, since most of the time we don’t give it a second thought, it just seems to come naturally. When we have to speak with purpose, however, we suddenly realize we have a huge vacuum in our knowledge, and the result in the face of that ignorance is, understandably, fear.

The only logical way to overcome that fear (rather than going into therapy!), is to fill that vacuum with knowledge. With knowledge you can eliminate your fear, and begin to transform your inevitable and ordinary nervousness into essential and constructive energy.

Let’s take it logically. Most people find that once they’ve begun a presentation, after a few minutes they begin to settle down. Therefore, we need to concentrate on learning what needs to be done in the first few minutes, in order to alleviate those opening jitters and arrive sooner at the point where we can relax a bit. The best and most effective way of doing that is to know exactly what it is you want to say in your opening statement and why.

Forget all the misguided advice to start with a joke, or a question, or a shocking statement, or telling them what you’re going to tell them. These are all old wives’ tales that are doomed to failure more often than not for reasons that are too lengthy to discuss here. It is better to start with the one way that will absolutely always work. That is simply to begin with something on which everyone can agree.

Start off with an irrefutable statement, one that will get your listener agreeing with you and with each other, something to demonstrate that you and your audience are all on the same page. It can be historical, (think "Fourscore and seven years ago") or an obvious truth ("College graduates earn more money than high school dropouts"), or a quote of any kind, as long as it’s on point and something that everyone can agree with. Once you have your listeners nodding in agreement, you’ll soon begin to calm down, and you’ll be able to get past those few tense early moments and get settled into your presentation more quickly. The rest will just happen before you know it, with you simply explaining your ideas and points as necessary.

The only other tense moment for most people is at the end, knowing how to wrap it up. Since most purposeful speaking involves the need for the listener to take action (hire you, buy your product, accept your proposal, etc.), it is wise to have an ending that tells them in no uncertain terms what it is you want them to do; ask them to hire you, sign the contract, get out their checkbook.

By giving them a proposal of action, you make it clear that they haven’t wasted their time listening to you, that they can, in fact, benefit from your presentation, and to do so, all they have to do is react to your proposal of action. The worst that will happen is they’ll say no, which most salespeople will tell you is their second favorite answer, because then everyone can move on, no hard feelings and no foot-dragging. It’s a much more satisfying ending, for both the presenter and the listener, than simply tapering off in a whimper, hoping for the best.

So next time you have to make an important presentation, don’t reach for the Prozac, just remember, there’s no such thing as public speaking, only speaking with purpose. The rest will come naturally!